I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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