im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
