I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Boobs speak an international language.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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