Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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