2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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