dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
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She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
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i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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