tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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