You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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