Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
