she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
