Please don't use social media to get back at me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
