I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
