my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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