If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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