Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
