D3 body, D1 cock
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
