Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
