Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
