My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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