He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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