I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
