I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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