do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
