Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
