You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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