i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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