i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
