just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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