Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
