About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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