Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The uberlube is also flammable
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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