Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize