omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
