he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
