I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
