Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
