you traded sex for a burrito?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
