I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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