I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
