drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
