thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
