Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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