i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
