I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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