dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
