Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
