I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
