great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
