Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
