she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
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i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
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A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.