; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful