If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved