the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
