WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
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Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
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I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"