we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize