Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.