he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
