I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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