That's intense
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
