I puked a lego.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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