Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have aggressive nipples.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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