She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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