You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
