Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
