my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
