you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Two words: nipple clamps
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