u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
