so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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