In the future we'll all be gay
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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