i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I looked at my own cervix.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
