i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
