I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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