I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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