Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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