What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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