gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
