Please, let me fuck your mom
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
