I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
