So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
