remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
