I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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